Dolphin’s Dock

I had always seen myself as one day being a father. Even after realizing that I was gay (and what that meant so far as actually producing a child), I knew I wanted to adopt or perhaps have a child through a surrogate or something. I very distinctly remember on cold night, when I was about 13, carefully wrapping our new puppy up in a small blanket to carry it outside which caused my mother to break down in (happy) tears over how good of a dad I’d be.

Yet, the reality is adoption by a gay couple would be a difficult (but not impossible) thing to accomplish in a conservative state such as mine. What little bit TheBoyfriend™ and I had discussed the matter (and we didn’t discuss it alot because until recently it seemed like it’d be a long way off before we could even consider it), it seemed that by the time we were really ready, we’d be too old. It wasn’t until last year when a good friend of mine asked if we had thought about adopting, that it dawned on me that I’d finally grown to accept the fact that I’d probably never have children. I think consciously, prior to hearing the question, I still had just taken for granted that one day I’d have a kid or two, but when forced to actually voice the intention one way or the other it occurred to me that it simply might not be in the cards. Further, for the first time when thinking about such things, I found myself ok with that. Not thrilled, but not upset either.

Well here lately, TheBoyfriend™ (who is currently counseling children for a living) has been making little comments like “…almost makes me want to adopt” or “if we had a child…” but never really going much deeper than that. The other day I walked into the office and he was looking at the website of an adoption agency. Just seeing what the process would be like “were we to think about it someday…”

Truth is, I don’t really know what to think now.  It’ll be at least until we get into our new house, no matter what, but it’s taken me by surprise (which is surprising in and of itself).  I’d finally just gotten comfortable with the idea of not having kids, and now it looks like I might end up with at least one after all.  I’m not opposed to the idea, so why is it scaring the hell out of me even in these very preliminary stages of discussion?

Posted on November 13th in Family | Permalink | 2 Comments

Or something like that.

With my sister finally out of college, my parents are getting to keep a bit more of their income and are replacing the TVs in their house with large screen flat panel TVs. This means that the (still quite nice) TVs they are discarding are being given to myself and my sister. Well I can’t fit a 32″ picture tube TV in my little car, and they hadn’t been up to see me in quite awhile so they decided they’d come up to visit this past week and bring the TV.

This of course meant that The Boyfriend™ and I had to clear out the old TV which, much to my dismay, The Boyfriend insisted that we put the old TV in the office. We have no cable outlet in the office and can’t install one since we’re still renting so we now have a visible cable running along the wall (at the seam of the wall and ceiling so it is out of the way) the entire length of the hallway, which is driving me somewhat nuts (Me = Form>Function; The Boyfriend™ = Function>Form).

Anyways, who knew that moving a TV (and TV stand, and two book cases) that had been in place for 3 years would stir up a dust storm as if a hurricane were crossing the Sahara.  There’s a better TV in my living room now but so far I have only been able to watch it through watery eyes and between sneezes.  I thought we kept a fairly clean house; apparently I was wrong.  Seriously, I’ve now been out of the house 8 hours and my allergies are just now starting to wane a bit.

Posted on October 8th in Family | Permalink | 2 Comments

The Boyfriend™ got the new job he was after (YAY!) which, while it didn’t come with as big of a pay raise as we had hoped, it did mean a small increase in income, hopefully will be something he enjoys and has alot more room for advancement than he had where he was before.. Unfortunately it also means that he’ll be losing his dental insurance (though his medical insurance will be much better than at his previous job) at the end of the week and so he had to rush to get his wisdom teeth taken out while he still had it.

He had the surgery yesterday and fortunately his mother was available to drive him there and back (and stay with him at home until I got there), so that I didn’t have to miss a day of work. Later that night, I ended up running back out to store for some soup, because after sorting through the 10 or so cans of soup he picked up with his mother, while he was still coming the rest of the way out of general anesthesia, he indignantly declared that he’d have never chosen those flavors (ah the joys of heavy medication). When I got back and was fixing him a bowl of a more palatable soup, I noticed something on the counter that made me laugh out loud. There, printed at the bottom of the credit card receipt from the ORAL SURGEON, was this little message:

Thank you. Come again.

Posted on October 3rd in Family | Permalink | 1 Comment

For six years I’ve been learning just how close to someone you can feel.

For six years I’ve always had a shoulder to cry on.

For six years I’ve been noticing that movies are always better when watched from within loving arms.

For six years I’ve invested all of myself and been awed at the rewards.

For six years I’ve been loved (even when I wasn’t at my most lovable).

For six years I’ve been finding that a smile is only one embrace away.

For six years I’ve known that when I’m by myself, I’m not quite complete.

For six years I’ve fallen deeper in love every morning.

For six years each day as been better than the last.

For it was six years ago today that a friend became The Boyfriend™.

Posted on September 21st in Family | Permalink | 3 Comments

Here’s wishing a happy birthday to my ‘little’ sister.  Geez, it’s her first birthday after having graduated from college and entering “the real world,” and that is making me feel old.

Posted on August 8th in Family, Splashes | Permalink | Leave a Comment

Kat over at Just Another Pretty Farce has a beautiful post on her great-grandfather in honor of her upcoming family reunion. I have a family reunion coming up too, but didn’t want to tarnish the lovely sentiment of her post by mentioning it over there. You see, my last family reunion experience was a little different…

I went family reunions as a child but I was young enough that I played with the other kids and really didn’t have to interact with the bulk of the family. Last family reunion was the first that I attended “as an adult,” in which I had to do more than simply submit to hugs from random people who I assume are my family but whom I scarcely remember having ever seen before (or worse, don’t remember at all). This time I actually had to talk with these people. To be honest, that wasn’t so bad. Most of them seem like decent folks, and interspersed among the unfamiliar faces were those of my grandparents, parents, and an uncle or two who lived close enough growing up for me to be familiar with. To be honest, I was probably the strange one, after all, who brings a “roommate” to a family reunion (coming out is a bit more drama than I feel like investing in people I only see for one weekend every several years).

This particular reunion happened to be in 2003 or 2004 (I don’t know how often we have these things, I just get an invitation in the mail), during the lead-up to the 2004 election. Without really thinking about it one way or the other I tossed on an “Anybody but Bush” t-shirt one morning and headed on out for breakfast. Glancing up from my eggs, I caught a glimpse of one aunt’s eyes scanning my shirt. Then she asked, with a tone that seemed to combine confusion, frustration, and utter terror, “Are you a Democrat??“

I started to explain that I don’t really consider myself a part of either party, but I simply did not like the way the current president had been running the country. Unfortunately I was interrupted by her husband (my uncle), who informed me that I should just consider myself “lucky to be able to wear a shirt like that.” Now, I know on the internet I’m not necessarily one to back down from a political fight, and I certainly don’t mind having a political conversation face-to-face, but when someone raises their voice to me over politics in the real world, I typically just go quiet to avoid the conflict unless it’s something really worth standing up for (and trying to explain my issues with the way Bush is running the country to some random uncle, who has already decided that Bush is the best president we’ve had, just doesn’t cut it).

So I sat there, occasionally trying to get a word in but mostly just staring at my plate as I moved my eggs around with my fork, being berated for “buying into liberal propaganda” and being all but called stupid for daring not to share his point of view (not that he knew mine because he never bothered to ask beyond finding out I wasn’t a fan of Bush). I’m choosing to believe that it was just the shock at the force of this uncle’s objection to my dislike of Bush that led the rest of my family to sit quietly and just listen. On the other hand, I was shocked to hear approval voiced by a few family members (even one that I see on a more frequent basis) when he announced his support for such things as the Flag Burning Amendment (!!!), which I thought added some unique irony to his first comment, but I didn’t say anything (by this time, I was no longer even trying to get a word in).

Despite the strong desire to finish my eggs, go pack up the car and head home right then and there, I managed to stick it out for the rest of the weekend (which fortunately contained no more political talk). Needless to say though, being insulted and berated by people who are supposed to be my family didn’t leave a good taste in my mouth. The next reunion is in a week or so. Will I go? I don’t know, but I haven’t yet RSVPed either way.

Posted on July 10th in Family | Permalink | 3 Comments

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