Dolphin’s Dock

So, we’ve decided to try to take advantage of the buyer’s market and Obama’s $8k first-time homebuyer tax credit to get into a nice little starter home (so nobody can say we aren’t doing our part to help rebuild the economy and the housing market). We’ve met with the bank to determine what we can afford (and yes, I mean what we can afford, not what we are “approved” for), and were pleasantly surprised that we can get a mortgage of just under what we’re currently paying in rent for about $20K higher than we were expecting to be able to (which makes us ask, WHY didn’t we look into this sooner…..). So now we’ve got ourselves a realtor and the hunt has begun!

This weekend (hopefully starting tonight) will be our first time to actually go seeing the INSIDE of a few of the listings we’ve been given by our realtor or found on our own. We’ve headed out to look at the outside and neighborhoods of the houses that are in town (we’re also STRONGLY considering moving to a slightly bigger city, or the area around it, that is about an hour from our current residence), and we’ve seen that (not unexpectedly) there is alot more crap for sell than there is places we’d actually want to live, but, mixed in there are a few places that really seem to have alot of potential. But we won’t know til we get inside.

And therein lies the biggest problem with me. I have pretty high standards and pretty much summarily dismiss most of the listings I look at, but I have a tendency to get very excited when I come across one that appears to meet those standards. Yet I worry about getting as excited as I do, when I haven’t seen the inside (or in one case even the outside) of a house, except in pictures accompanying the listing, let alone hearing the results of a home inspection). So far there are two (maybe three, one’s a bit more iffy) homes we’d REALLY like to see (we’ll look at a few of the others because you never know, but…). We have a showing schedule for our top pick at 6:30 tonight!

• I don’t objectively like to work out. The other day as I sighed before doing arm exercise or another, TheBoyfriend™ commented, “you may not like these exercises but your arms are loving them,” to which I responded, “no, I can assure you my arms are not loving them, they maybe responding to them, but they do not in fact love them.” That said, I also have reach the point where I do not under any circumstances want to miss a trip to the gym or cut a work out routine short. In fact, shockingly, I’m the one who insists on getting cardio in even if we’re running a little late, where as TheBoyfriend™ would be ok with skipping directly to the weight training portion of our work out. I say, if I’m developing these muscles, the hell if I’m gonna let fat build on them and keep them covered.
• For what it’s worth, my motivation to work out isn’t to be healthier, or stronger, or anything like that. It is too look hot. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not opposed to being healthy and strong, but I’m not going to be one of those people who claims that they don’t’ really care how they look, they just workout for their health. 90% of the time, that’s BS and it sure would be if I said it. For most of my adult life I’ve thought, “well one day I’m going to get all buff and hot,” and I have finally reached the age where I’ve realized, if I’m gonna do it, I need to do it now while I’m still young enough to turn some heads.
• I have noticed that I am turning heads, if not yet the heads I’d like to turn. Seriously, I never knew this city had so many dirty old gay men in it. I’d heard that the Downtown Y was kinda a “cruisy” place, and that has definitely turned out to be the case. Which, for the most part doesn’t bother me. I mean I’m not thrilled to be oggled by old men, but I am working out so that people will want to look at my body so I’m not going to complain to much when it happens, even if the people looking are folks I’d rather not look back at. As long as they keep it to looking without touching, I don’t really care that much. The exception being this one redheaded perv. It’s one thing to try (unsuccessfully) to steal a discreet glance in the showers. It’s another thing entirely to visit the water fountain by TheBoyfriend™ and I’s locker THREE TIMES in the 5 minutes it takes us to dry off and get dressed.
• Going to the gym does take up a fair bit of time. We’ve been going on wed, Fridays, one day of the weekend, and often Mondays (if TheBoyfriend™ doesn’t go to his meditation class). Then we have Jiu-Jitsu class on Tuesday and Thursday, so our weeknights are pretty much packed now. But it’s time we’d otherwise just spend sitting at home watching TV or surfing the web, so it’s not like we really are missing out on something we’d rather be doing. Plus it’s more “together time” and in a way that surpasses both of us sitting next to each other and watching a tv screen (or worse yet, watching separate computer screens).

The funeral was planned and though I am technically entitled to three paid bereavement days from work for a grandparent, I am so busy at the moment that I really could barely handle taking one, let alone three. The way the funeral arrangements worked out, I ended up taking two, but bringing the laptop home with me and getting some work done while I was there. It was actually about as nice as such a visit could be. At the very least I got to spend some time with my parents and a few out-of-town family members.

Of course, all that family time resulted in sharing sickness. TheBoyfriend™ and I got back home on Saturday, and Sunday I woke up with a very sore throat. I had some ThroatCoat herbal tea and gargled regularly and Monday went to work with a definite scratchy throat (you could hear it in my voice) but little pain. Tuesday, I assumed I was more or less better. I had the slightest scratchy feeling, but even that was not noticeable unless I was thinking about it. So, thinking it was past, I went to Jiu-Jitsu class. It was a VERY physical class that night and by the end of it I was feeling my chest begin to tighten some. Yesterday, I had the little tickle in the back of my throat that gives you a bit of a dry cough. Today it’s a full-on chest cough, and while I don’t feel “bad,” I feel kinda “bleh.” But there’s no way I could take off work, I’m still behind from the funeral.

After work yesterday, I headed to the doctor’s. On my way there however I managed to get my first speeding ticket ever. It was a pretty blatant speed trap. It was were a road changes from 45 to 25. I was traveling along at 45 and when I saw the sign for 25, I lifted my foot from the accelerator and began to coast down to 25. I really don’t see the need to put on brakes to instantly hit 25 the second I notice the sign but in this instance apparently I should have, because according to the police officer, when my car actually passed the 25 sign, it had only decelerated to 38. Frankly, I think there ought to be some kinda grace period when you first enter a new speed limit zone to allow your car to decelerate, and I suspect, had I been in the city instead of out to a county known for it’s speed traps, I would have gotten that leniency.

TheBoyfriend™ says if I’m concerned about it, I could go in to court and there’s a chance, with it being my first and only offense and all, that the judge will go ahead and throw it out. I haven’t decided yet. Granted, I’d like to not pay the fine and I’d really like to retain my clean record, but it’d mean taking time off work (the length of the court appearance plus a half hour trip out there and a half hour back), not to mention the fact that that particular county is well known for using speed traps as a way to fill its treasury so what’s the likelihood the judge is interested in anything but getting the money to the people who pay his paycheck? I DO have a good month to make up my mind.

Lest I get to “woe is me” here, there are a few silver linings to it all. I’m busy at work, but I’m FINALLY back to being busy doing what I enjoy, and was hired to do. For awhile there I’d somehow ended up getting delegated to tasks only tangentially related to my job. Which is ok I guess. In this economy, I’m thrilled just to have a job, but I’m glad to be back to doing what I actually like to do. I also got an email yesterday from a client I did some freelance work for last year but had somehow forgotten to invoice. It was a small job, but it is extra money coming in and will at least cover the speeding ticket (if I decide not to fight it or if I fight it and lose). I haven’t figured out a silver-lining to being sick yet, but I’m working on it.

We have temporarily switched her totally over to wet food to which we’re adding cranberry extract and diluted apple cider vinegar as well as giving her a couple of pellets of cantharis for pain. We started her on that regimen Saturday evening, with the understanding that if she showed no improvement, we’d make a vet appointment first thing today. I’m happy to report that as of yesterday evening, her trips to the litter box are leaving about a teaspoon of urine which, while not yet a normal amount, is a vast improvement from the drop she’d been leaving earlier. I think we caught it early (there was no blood in her urine at all because I’d have easily seen any when she left a drop or two in the white bath tub), and since she’s showing definitive signs of improvement, I think we’ll monitor her closely for a bit longer before calling the vet.

• We really were in need of doing laundry before leaving to visit my parents, but it just didn’t get done. No worries, my parents don’t mind if we bring laundry home with us, and in fact they like it during the winter because they vent their dryer into the house (filtering out lint), allowing it to pull double duty as supplemental heat (and humidity), reducing the strain on the heat pump. So we decided to pack light and bring home only a basket of laundry, to wash the first night and wear from the rest of the weekend. Unfortunately, I thought TheBoyfriend™ packed the basket, he thought I packed it, and it wasn’t until we arrived at my parents’ (four hours away) that we noticed that in fact no clothes other than those on our backs had actually made the trip with us.
• My aunt is well known for giving strange Christmas presents, but this ear she offered a bit of a “pre-Christmas” present that was actually kinda nice. It’s one of those wax-dipped teddy bears that I’m sure you’ve seen, this one wearing a Christmas hat. The neat thing is that it’s pine scented, so set on the mantle in close proximity to the (artificial) tree, it gives the impression that the tree is in fact real and fragrant. I even caught myself thinking “wow, this tree smells so nice” a few times as I was putting lights on it, and I KNOW it’s artificial. The only downside is it’s a bit too strong to completely remove from it’s clear bag, so it’s sitting on the mantle still partially wrapped.
• Speaking of the tree, I got it up. I’m not like my mother who likes the tree up as soon as possible and can sit in the living room with Christmas music playing and stare at the thing for hours on end, but I do admit to enjoying having a Christmas tree around. I will NOT however put one up until after Thanksgiving. I put ours up yesterday and put the lights on it. I’ll give the cats a week to get used to it being there and then hang the ornaments this weekend.
• My grandmother likes to watch her grandkids open presents on Christmas (Christmas Eve actually, that’s when we have that side fo the family’s celebration). Every year, for quite a few years now, she gives my mom $50/grandchild and let’s my mom do the shopping. So now is the time of year when my mom is asking me what I want for Christmas that costs $50. You’d think I’d learn by now to be expecting it, but I’m never prepared. Plainly, if there is something that I particularly want that is <$50 I typically just go buy it myself.
• Speaking of presents, I found an excellent deal this Cyber Monday morning on the perfect gift for TheBoyfriend™. I won’t mention what it is here on the off chance that he decides to read this (though it’s been a LONG time since he’s read my blog). I already had in mind what I was going to give him, but when I came across this item (which I wanted to get him but it was a bit too pricey every where else), I revised my plans.

I’m surprised, a little worried, and yet also a bit relieved that you haven’t called yet since finding it. I figure maybe you knew I had my martial arts class last night so I wouldn’t have been available to answer the phone, and today you’re waiting until after work for what could be a long call. Maybe it’s none of that and you just needed (or still need) some time first. Either way, I’m going to assume you will call me when you’re ready. I’m not sure if you’ll be back to read this prior to that time or not, but I hope you will.

I guess first and foremost, what you need to know is that this isn’t something new, it’s not a phase, and it’s not going to change or go away. Nor is it something you did “wrong” in raising me. I am what I am, and what’s more, it’s who I’m supposed to be. This information probably changes a few of the hopes and dreams you have for me, but I hope that you’ll allow them to be changed not into something that is better or worse, than what you had previously had in mind, but just different. And if I’m right that among your greatest hopes for me was/is that I’d grow up to be healthy, happy, and loved; then rest assured that those hopes have come true and continue to be true, no changes necessary.

I’m sorry that you found out by reading my blog instead of hearing it directly from my lips, but I hope that at least it was easier for you to handle getting to have it come together a bit more slowly as you read instead of getting hit with it all at once, and I’m sure a variety of things make alot more sense to you now. I also apologize for not telling you sooner. Know that it was difficult for me to keep a part of myself hidden from you. I wanted you to know, because I love you, and didn’t want to keep things from you, yet it’s hard when I know the transition is likely to be a difficult one for both of us. It was comparatively easy to just hide it during the brief times I came to visit or you guys came out here, but it was really a fair to either of us that I did so. I’m still scared of how this might hurt you and how you’ll respond when we speak next, but I’m also relieved that it’s out on the table so now we can do what we need to do to get through it.

I guess there’s not that much more to say that I can post here, but, I hope you read this. I hope you know that I love you and that nothing has changed. I’m still the same person I’ve always been. Most importantly, I hope that we can make it through this quickly and end up with an even stronger relationship for it.