Dolphin’s Dock

I’m surprised, a little worried, and yet also a bit relieved that you haven’t called yet since finding it. I figure maybe you knew I had my martial arts class last night so I wouldn’t have been available to answer the phone, and today you’re waiting until after work for what could be a long call. Maybe it’s none of that and you just needed (or still need) some time first. Either way, I’m going to assume you will call me when you’re ready. I’m not sure if you’ll be back to read this prior to that time or not, but I hope you will.

I guess first and foremost, what you need to know is that this isn’t something new, it’s not a phase, and it’s not going to change or go away. Nor is it something you did “wrong” in raising me. I am what I am, and what’s more, it’s who I’m supposed to be. This information probably changes a few of the hopes and dreams you have for me, but I hope that you’ll allow them to be changed not into something that is better or worse, than what you had previously had in mind, but just different. And if I’m right that among your greatest hopes for me was/is that I’d grow up to be healthy, happy, and loved; then rest assured that those hopes have come true and continue to be true, no changes necessary.

I’m sorry that you found out by reading my blog instead of hearing it directly from my lips, but I hope that at least it was easier for you to handle getting to have it come together a bit more slowly as you read instead of getting hit with it all at once, and I’m sure a variety of things make alot more sense to you now. I also apologize for not telling you sooner. Know that it was difficult for me to keep a part of myself hidden from you. I wanted you to know, because I love you, and didn’t want to keep things from you, yet it’s hard when I know the transition is likely to be a difficult one for both of us. It was comparatively easy to just hide it during the brief times I came to visit or you guys came out here, but it was really a fair to either of us that I did so. I’m still scared of how this might hurt you and how you’ll respond when we speak next, but I’m also relieved that it’s out on the table so now we can do what we need to do to get through it.

I guess there’s not that much more to say that I can post here, but, I hope you read this. I hope you know that I love you and that nothing has changed. I’m still the same person I’ve always been. Most importantly, I hope that we can make it through this quickly and end up with an even stronger relationship for it.